


I’m Almost Me, You’re Almost You

by QuackTracks



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/F, Flashbacks could be triggering for some, present time will always be about the healing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 20:55:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20442383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuackTracks/pseuds/QuackTracks
Summary: Jaina was finally coming home; for how long, she really wasn't sure. There were two jobs waiting for her: one that had already taken more of her than she thought possible, and another that would place her in range of the person who could utterly destroy what remained.Or "Jaina is coming home to old friends and an old flame."





	I’m Almost Me, You’re Almost You

**Author's Note:**

> Um, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I just really like Jaina and Sylvanas, I guess? 
> 
> This is entirely unedited, so I apologize for any mistakes.

Jaina sat back against the reclining seat with Vereesa’s sleeping four year old in her arms. She was the first guest to arrive at Vereesa’s annual barbecue; one that had been in the works for four months. The early notice was an almost necessary part of ensuring that their friends could make it.

Specifically, that Jaina could make it. 

She’d received no less than five RSVP’s over the span of four months, each one with a “just keeping a tab on the guests” note attached. It was unnecessary in her own eyes. She knew that she would be able to make it. But she couldn’t hold it against Vereesa considering how often Jaina had had to skip past gatherings. 

And really, if she was still sure that she wanted to continue her career path with the US Marshals, there would be a reasonable doubt that she could make it. 

But her outlook on life, her hopes for the future, had all been dashed against the rocks by wave after wave of personal tragedy. She wasn’t the same person she’d been when she’d left. Hell, she wasn’t even the same person she’d been just six months before. 

Jaina felt a coldness settle in the marrow of her bones at the thought. She saw the flashes, heard the screaming pound against her skull. Familiar faces were bloodied, the eyes sunk in with an emptiness that haunted her in both sleep and wakefulness. 

Jaina clenched her jaw. 

She saw the face of the man who’d betrayed them- the man she’d once loved- staring at her with an unrighteous burn in his eyes as he watched his handiwork destroy all that she cared about. 

She’d seen his surprise, his disbelief, when she’d fired her service weapon without mercy or hesitation. Humanity; whatever was left within Arthas, flashed painfully for a moment as his mouth opened in a silent scream. 

“Jaina?”

Jaina blinked rapidly, eyes flickering up to a concerned-looking Vereesa. She wasn’t sure if that concern was for her, or for the child that she still held in her hands. She wasn’t sure she deserved concern, nor was she certain that it would do much to soften the constant blows to her sanity. 

She cleared her throat. 

“I apologize. I was. . . lost in thought.”

To her credit, Vereesa didn’t seem to be worried about Jaina with her child, as she made no attempt to take him from where he slept in Jaina’s arms. 

Instead, she seated herself on the couch, hands folded carefully. 

“Are you alright?”

Jaina’s throat tightened, her chest squeezing at the thought of revealing all of the horrid things that danced around in her mind. 

“I’m quite fine, Veree. Don’t worry.”

Jaina could hear how hollow her own attempt to placate Vereesa sounded. She knew Vereesa would be able to pick up on it too. 

Despite that, her friend only gave her a shrewd look. She nodded.

“Alright. Anduin is on his way, and Alleria is picking up an excessive amount of ice because she wants to be able to bury the beer so deep that nobody can reach it. The rest of the guests will be here in an hour.”

Jaina tried to remain stoic in the face of the nerves that had slithered their way up her veins. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see her friends again. But it had been almost four years since she’d been able to make a barbecue, and she had a feeling that most of them wouldn’t recognize the woman she’d become. She hardly recognized herself. 

“Sounds good. Anyone I should be worried about seeing again? Any enduring grudges I might have forgotten about?”

Vereesa smiled. 

“The only grudge that ever included you--”

Jaina flinched, her stomach dropping. Before Vereesa could finish, she cut her off.

“If she’s coming here, I can’t be here.”

Vereesa sighed, frown marring her gentle face. 

“Jaina. . . she’s changed a lot since you knew her. She apologized and grew up to become the person you always saw in her.”

Jaina ignored the hidden-away regret and heartache and anger that always sprang to life, fresh and new, the moment Vereesa’s sister was mentioned. She took a deep breath and motioned for Giramar to be removed from her hands. 

“Vereesa, I can’t do it. Please, I’ll catch up with everyone at a different time.”

Vereesa shook her head, reaching out to rest a comforting and warm hand on Jaina’s arm. 

“She’s not going to make it, Jaina. She’s working.”

Jaina’s heartbeat was already in her throat, but she tried to settle back in the chair, looking down at the beautiful boy with white-blonde hair as he snored lightly in her arms. 

“Okay. I’m sorry, Veree. I just. . . I really can’t do it. I am already--” She stopped herself before she could reveal anything else. “I’m fine. Sorry.”

Vereesa released her arm with a half-smile. 

“I know, Jaina. I don’t hold anything against you. Sylvanus really did a number on the people in her life.”

Jaina still felt guilt; she could see the sadness in her friend’s eyes, the way Vereesa obviously wanted to champion her sister and explain how she had changed. 

“Maybe once I’ve settled in. . .”

Vereesa shook her head. 

“You don’t ever have to face her again if you don’t want to. It’s truly up to you. Don’t feel pressure from me in this area.”

Jaina swallowed another apology, instead nodding her head. 

“Thank you.” 

There was a faint sound of tires on gravel before a piercing horn sounded from the driveway. 

Giramar jolted awake in Jaina’s arms, a cry leaving his lips. Vereesa’s eyes took on a dangerous quality as she turned toward the front entrance. 

“I’m going to murder that stupid man.”

But instead of going to yell at who was presumably Anduin, she reached her hands out and retrieved her son, pulling him tightly against her chest as she whispered soothing words to him. 

She glanced at Jaina. 

“Go greet the buffoon. I’m sure you have a lot of catch up on.”

Jaina felt the buzz of nerves under her skin as she made her way toward the door. She hadn’t seen Anduin in over a year, though she had talked to him weekly. There were just things to be said that couldn’t be said on the phone; things to be seen in eyes and expressions and body language that would tell more stories than the words that passed through space. 

She maneuvered around Vereesa’s large and well-decorated dining room, avoiding taking in the photos on the walls that she knew contained a person she could happily go her entire life without facing again. It was a pathetic tactic, a pathetic belief, but she lacked the energy or will to rid herself of them. 

Jaina heard Anduin before she saw him, his fancy heels hitting rapidly against the pavement as he approached the door. 

“JAINA!”

She didn’t even get a chance to open the door, as Anduin was barreling through and into her arms, almost taking them both to the hardwood floor. She felt the smile on her face, the strange tug of recently unused muscles as she sank into one of the most comforting presences she’d ever known. 

“Hello, Anduin.”

He practically lifted her off of her feet and shook her, wiggling his body like a puppy that had a lack of bodily control. 

“I’ve missed you so much! You are the light of my life, the Sun to my sky. You are a radiant being!”

She heard Vereesa groan in disgust in the background, and Jaina let loose a laugh that had been trapped in her for months. Tears pressed against her eyes, but she just pushed her head harder into Anduin’s shoulder as she allowed herself to relax. 

Just because she was different didn’t mean they would love her less. She was a harder person, but she was also more intentional, more grounded. She’d learned and she’d grown and who she was now could still be a part of this. 

Anduin didn’t let her go for a long time, his arms wrapped so tightly around her that she could hardly breathe. If it was anyone else, she would have felt awkward or strange after a time, but Anduin had a way of encouraging and engaging in physical intimacy that was securing to her. 

“I missed you too, Andy.”

Anduin giggled and wiggled again, pulling back to meet her eyes. And to her surprise and relief, he didn’t jolt away or lose his shine. He simply cupped her cheeks and smiled softly. 

“You are a steadfast creature, my Jaina. I am so proud of you.”

And Jaina really wasn’t a crier. She wasn’t one to be touched so deeply by words. But this was Anduin, a man who saw no purpose for dishonesty or reserved thought. He spoke what he felt, because he believed in the power of it. 

She groaned at herself in annoyance as more tears slipped down her cheeks, and Anduin linked their fingers. 

“Come, show me to the woman of the house.”

Jaina tugged him forward, leading despite the fact that Anduin had likely been to Vereesa’s place often. 

“You better apologize profusely for waking up Giramar. Otherwise you might find yourself with a food ban again.”

Anduin blanched so fiercely that Jaina burst into another fit of laughter. 

She remembered vividly when- at the second annual barbecue that happened in their senior year of university- Vereesa was so angry at Anduin and Genn that she forbid them from partaking in any of the food. She upheld it too, so much so that she had Alleria and-- Jaina stopped there, the jarring quality of the third sister’s name being enough to ruin the memory for her. 

She came back to the conversation at hand, one where Anduin was practically prostrate over the back of the couch as he begged upon a haughty-looking Vereesa. 

“. . . that I won’t ever wake up your child again. And I’ll do your laundry for two months. And I’ll keep Genn away from you all night. And I’ll do all the dishes at the end of--”

Vereesa tried to laugh quietly, Giramar having already fallen back asleep. She waved Anduin to a stop. 

“Shut up before I wake him! It’s fine, you can eat today.”

Anduin folded his hands as if in prayer, shaking them gratefully in Vereesa’s direction. 

“Thank you, love of my entire life.”

Jaina couldn’t stop the flooding of warmth in her chest even if she wanted to. Anduin was always her anchor, her reason to move forward when the others were stripped away. He was dramatic and cheesy and brash, but it worked for him. 

Vereesa shooed them. 

“Go make sure that the meat is thawed completely. The sides are in the fridge in the garage. You can begin heating up the ones that take some time.

Jaina threw up her hand.

“I call the meat.”

Anduin’s lips turned into a pout.

“I don’t know how to heat up food to Vereesa’s standards.”

Jaina shrugged.

“Why do you think I chose the meat.”

Anduin looked beseechingly at Vereesa and received an eye roll in return. 

“I put instructions on them. They’re also in numerical order. If you manage to mess it up, you’re a special brand of dumbass.”

Jaina grinned. 

“We already knew that though.”

Something linked into place in her chest in that moment. Like the kinect pieces she played with as a child, it was snug and safe and she knew it would hold. And the more pieces that connected, the stronger the piece as a whole would be. 

})>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<({

The next two hours were filled with a storm of reconnections and hugs and laughter that Jaina hadn’t known she’d been deprived of until they were flooding back into her life. 

Alleria was the first to arrive after Anduin, and she’d walked calmly into the kitchen where Jaina was running scalding water over the unthawed proteins. 

She’d turned to find Alleria smiling softly and somehow carrying four large bags of ice in her two hands. She’d set them gently on the ground and held out her arms, taking a light step forward. 

“Jaina.”

Jaina had moved the two paces she needed to enter into a hug that was entirely the opposite of Anduin’s. One that was reserved like Alleria had always been; but not lacking in warmth or welcome. 

Tyrande had arrived with her ex-husband and now close friend Malfurion- something Jaina made a point to ask Vereesa about later. And while it was Jaina’s first introduction to him (she had not made it to the wedding), she liked him. She learned that he worked with Alleria on the same Search and Rescue team, and that he’d been around for the few years Jaina had not. 

Go’el arrived with three others that Jaina hadn’t seen since she’d graduated; Jastor, Lor’Themar, and Thalyssra. She’d always had a tumultuous relationship with Jastor, though she respected Lor’Themar and even enjoyed Thalyssra’s company. Go’el and her had once been close, but they’d come to a head when Jaina and the middle Windrunner had had their difficulties. 

Seeing him now, she was surprised she only felt joy. He’d attempted to apologize months after the incident, but she hadn’t been ready. Now. . . she hoped no discussion was necessary to begin rebuilding their friendship once more. 

There were many others within Vereesa’s property that Jaina had never met, nor did she have the energy to begin introducing herself to many of them. 

She’d said her hellos to Genn, to Baine, to Maiev, and Valeera, embracing them with different levels of familiarity. It was an overwhelming amount of emotions that sprung to the surface as more and more of her past poured into the home that she didn’t know. 

The barbecue spilled into the backyard once the grilling began, Alleria taking over and smacking away the thieving hands of Baine and Anduin as they attempted to steal pieces from the grill. Vereesa stood with Tyrande and they laughed like they’d never been closer. 

Jaina let herself blend into the scene, happy to wander and watch the unfolding events. 

It was different than when they were younger and much more nieve. Growth: mental, emotional, some physical. . . it was so clear to her that she let her training mingle with her previous knowledge to attempt to recreate people as they were now. 

Jastor had lost his compulsiveness in favor of using his brain. He didn’t exist as if he were the only one that mattered in the room, and it seemed that those around him genuinely wanted to remain there. Elements of his personality were still jarring; including, but not limited to, his sense of humor and the sharp way his eyes moved around the space.

Genn wasn’t the pompous, derivative asshole he’d tried to be in the past. He still seemed to think that he had to remain stern-looking and well-formed, but he spoke calmly and with no air of finality or derision. 

Lor’Themar walked with his head high, but he wasn’t looking down on everyone in the vicinity. He probably still had a stick up his ass, but fuck if it was shorter and much less noticeable. 

Baine was the same, level-headed, humorous man she’d known 

Jaina turned her attention to her closest friend besides Anduin.

Vereesa was at peace. Jaina could see it in the way her smiles always found her eyes; the way she watched the gathering with less concern for what might happen and more a willingness to experience whatever it might be. She had learned to accept life as it came, to stop trying to plan for every single possibility. And despite the hardship that had been necessary for her to reach that point, Jaina was still happy for her. 

Jaina turned her eyes to Vereesa’s sons play, Galadin having been dropped back from his soccer practice just as the food was being placed on the grill. It had been two years since the death of their father, and the effects hadn’t hurt them like it might have should they have been older. They lived like their mother was the only thing in their lives- not barring all their aunts and uncles of course. 

Jaina smiled as Galadin caught Garamir as he tripped, pulling his giggling brother into his lap and then rolling him off into the grass with a soft flip. Just as Garamir attempted to get up, large feet ran into her view, and Jaina saw Anduin bend over goofily and snatch him from the ground. 

“Munchkin kidnapping! I’ll eat well tonight!”

Several of the other kids- brought by many of the gathered- heard the call, and Jaina’s eyes widened as swarms of them headed in Anduin’s direction with war cries. 

All eyes turned to them as Anduin ran away with Garamir, his knees rising drastically as he ran like an idiot while he shouted for the children to leave him alone for his feast. 

“This has become a tradition for them.”

Jaina smiled at Vereesa when she spoke at her shoulder. 

“I can see that. How long does it usually last?”

Vereesa grinned. 

“Until the food is ready. That’s why he waits until Alleria gives him the go-ahead. Two years ago, he started it right away. He ended up having to sprint around the yard for over an hour.”

Jaina laughed. 

“Wow, so we have an Anduin that learns from a single mistake? That is new.”

Vereesa wrapped and arm around Jaina’s shoulders, pulling her in and placing a kiss on her temple.

“You’ll rediscover us, Jaina. And we will discover you.”

Jaina noticed the change of the word, the missing letters at the beginning. She opened her mouth to retort before realizing that Vereesa hadn’t done it on accident. Her friend had noticed the shift of her entire person. Instead of feeling the same fear from earlier, Jaina closed her eyes and settled into Vereesa’s arms. Her friends knew she was different and they’d already accepted it. They didn’t have hopes for the girl she’d been before. 

A weight lifted from Jaina’s shoulders in that moment, allowing air to fill her lungs and relieve her of her crumpled feeling. 

“Thank you, Veree.”

Vereesa didn’t respond beyond a squeezing of Jaina’s shoulders, and that was just fine with them both.

})>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<({

As soon as the sun began to set, Jaina and Anduin were given the duty to light all the torches and start the fire pit. 

Because of Anduin’s general lack of survival skills, Jaina found herself kneeling beside the fire pit and setting kindling at the center. She picked up the medium pieces to build around it just as two little shadows appeared at her side. 

“Auntie Jaina, can we help?”

Jaina smiled warmly at Garamir and Galadin, seeing their eager little faces covered in dirt and bits of left-over food. 

Music was playing loudly in the yard at this point, and a few of the couples were dancing together in a way that made Jaina think they’d had a bit too much alcohol. Despite her efforts though, Jaina couldn’t find Vereesa to ask her.

She turned to the boys. 

“Would your mom be okay with it?”

Galadin rolled his eyes like the seven-year-old he was. 

“Of course! Auntie Sylvanas lets us help her all the time.”

Jaina sucked in a sharp breath, her body tensing so tightly that she thought she might crumble into pieces. She vaguely felt herself handing the sticks to Vereesa’s sons as they continued to talk about what they’d learned, what Sylvanas had taught them. 

The name rang in Jaina’s head like a gong, rattling open the parts of her that she’d tucked away with brute force and duct tape.

~~~~~~~~~})><({~~~~~~~~~

_Eleven Years Previous_

“Jaina, please please please come! I promise you can work off just as many calories dancing as you can going to the gym.”

Jaina shrugged out of Anduin’s hands and rolled her eyes. 

“I’m not trying to lose weight, Andy. I’m trying to build endurance and muscle. The entrance test to any law enforcement program requires a lot from their candidates.”

Anduin groaned.

“Gaahhd, Jaina. You’re boring me.”

Jaina felt a twinge of frustration. She shook her head and motioned away from her. 

“Then go away. You’re the one that crashed my study session and asked to walk me back to my dorm.”

Anduin narrowed his eyes. 

“I mean in general, not right now.”

Jaina glared at him, eyes flashing with a severity that had Anduin’s hands coming up. 

“Wait, okay. That was rude. I’m sorry.” He annoyingly stepped in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Can you just-- Look, I want to make sure you actually get to have some fun in college, okay? I want you to experience more than your studies and your workouts and whatever bori-- I mean different things you do for fun. You are going to graduate and jump into your career, and you’re going to be amazing. But please, just this one, go to a party with me?”

Jaina would be able to pinpoint the moment she said yes as both the best and fucking worst thing she’d ever done. 

Anduin’s gleeful shout and the way he launched himself into the air had almost been enough to save her from it. 

~~~~~~~~~})><({~~~~~~~~~

_Present_

Jaina blinked against the first tears of the night that she actively detested, clearing her throat and looking down at the beautifully-crafted structure under which a fire would be raging soon. 

She opened her mouth to compliment them, to recognize their efforts, but she heard boots on the grass behind her and froze. 

Because yes, it had been years. But she could feel her and her body reacted the way it always, always had when it came to the middle Windrunner. The hairs on her arms stood on end and her throat tightened, her body so still that it must look unnatural. 

It all came apart at the sound of her voice. 

“Gal, Gar, that is a striking fire you’re building there.”

It was a just as tempered and silvery as it had been on the night they met, and Jaina knew more than anything that she couldn’t do this; couldn’t face her or speak to her or hear her voice again. She stood abruptly and swallowed past the way her throat felt so swollen. 

She was about to take the first step that she could, away from her imminent destruction, when that stupid and pleasant voice spoke her name.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if this is worth continuing lol. I've never played World of Warcraft, so I might have gotten things wrong. Feel free to let me know in the comments.


End file.
